Prince of Persia Meets Jerry Springer
by WildePrince
Summary: What happens when The Prince meets Jerry Springer? Read and find out!
1. Chapter 1

Prince of Persia visits Jerry Springer

disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Persia or any related trademarks. I also do not hold any rights to the Jerry Springer show. All rights are property of involved individuals.

A little something because I know you don't care: hi, this is my first piece of fan fiction. I wasn't sure what I wanted to write at first, but then I got to thinking. Hey, what would happen if the Prince of Persia, or should I say the Princes of Persia got invited to the Jerry Springer show? Well, there you go I have my first fan fiction. Enjoy. Please read and review.

the Jerry Springer show comes on. At the bottom of the screen, there is the usual blue title box. It says: 'I released the Sands of Time, and doomed my family and my kingdom, and now I have three different personalities!'

Jerry: welcome to the show, people. We have a very interesting program for you today. You saw him on TV, and he captivated you in the videogame world. He has had fame and fortune since 1989. Please help me welcome, the Prince of Persia! whispers into the camera now, we have a little surprise for him today. He thinks he is here to come to terms with his pride. We told him he would be able to apologize on the show. But what he doesn't know is that we have more in store for him. snaps out of secrecy, and is revved up. come on out Prince.

the Prince from the first Prince of Persia game (nicknamed the Blue Prince) comes down the stairs and onto the stage. He is fully clothed, and waves very politely at the audience who cheers him. His sword and the dagger of time are still fit snugly at his waist. After a few more waves and bows, the Blue Prince finds his way over to the seats, and takes one.

Jerry: so, Prince how are you doing these days?

Blue Prince: I am well Jerry. I'm still dealing with the nasty trick that the vizier played on me, though.

Jerry: I bet, I bet. lays a hand on the Blue Prince's kneewell, we have a surprise for you today, Blue Prince.

the Blue Prince's eyes light with excitement, and then suspicion

Blue Prince: a surprise? What kind of surprise?

Jerry: softlywell, I thought it might help with your situation if you could come to terms with yourself.

Blue Prince: M-my _self?_

Jerry: **(to the audience) **should we bring them out folks?

Audience: (cheering)

Jerry: alright then. Let's bring them out. The_ Princes_ of Persia. the Prince from the warrior within barrels down the stairs, unsheathing his frightening hammer. Voicing a feral scream, he slams it into a small table, watching with satisfaction as it splinters into thousands of little pieces

the Blue Prince from the Sands of Time looks on with horror Oh, my…

the audience boos him, and the warrior within Prince, nicknamed the red Prince, glowers at them.

Red Prince: shut up! (Booing continues) he jabs his weapon at the audience, voicing his typical irritated cry. you want some of this? Because if you do, I will be happy to serve you!

Jerry: alright, alright. Settle down people. Prince, why don't you go ahead and have a seat? the red Prince looks like he is far from complying with the request, but seeing the bodyguards in a corner of the room, he decides to cooperate he takes the seat on one of the far corners, leaving two empty chairs between him and the Sands of Time Prince.

Blue Prince is gawking at his older, more bloodthirsty self that cannot be me… it cannot…. my story… it did not.. happen that way… I'm sure of it!

Red Prince: who is this pansy?

Jerry: that's your former self, remember? Before everything went horribly wrong?

Red Prince: (laughs derisively) Ha. I find it hard to believe you even had the strength to slay the vizier.

the Blue Prince leaps up from his seat I've got to go! I've got to set things right! I've got to try again. That must be a way to turn everything back to the way it was.

Red Prince: Oh, stop it. Sit down.

the Blue Prince glares with determination at his jaded counterpartno! I will not sit down! Not until I have set things right. Not until I have prevented myself from opening the Sands of Time! he studies the shirtless man two chairs away from him, his usually kind features souring I must have failed, and so turned into you. I will not let that happen. I will not let my dignified self turn into a shirtless bloodthirsty demon!

the red Prince stands up, taking out his club. What did you say to me, twerp?

unsheathing his sword and dagger Blue Prince: I said I won't turn into you. I will not let myself fail, and become no better then those sand creatures!

Red Prince: you're still around too much silk, aren't you? It's made your brain soft, and you forget how to think properly!

Blue Prince: excuse me? I know how to think.

Red Prince: well, if you did, you would know that it doesn't matter if you fail or win. There is no such thing. It does not matter what you do… you will turn into me.

Blue Prince: no... no... I won't believe it. Not from the likes of you. I can see by the hate in your eyes and the violence in your body, that anything you say is false.

Red Prince: (puts weapon away, and holds his hands palm side up in a gesture of surrender.) Fine, fine. Believe whatever you want. But it won't change your fate. You will turn into me.

both Princes have put their weapons away, and now they settle for and giving dirty looks to each other they have taken their seats once more

Blue Prince: are you challenging me? It's hard to tell, because you always have the same look on your face!

Red Prince: oh, that is it. That is it. It's on now. (Threatens to climb from seat, reaching back for his weapon.) I'll teach you to talk to me like that.

Blue Prince: really now? And you said you were the smart one. If you and I are the same person, then whatever you do to me you will be effectively doing to yourself. Put that on your blade and slice it!

Red Prince: maybe I will.

Blue Prince: go ahead.

Red Prince: I will.

Blue Prince: fine. You do that.

Red Prince: fine. I will.

Jerry: let's agree to disagree, shall we, gentlemen?

both Princes cross their arms

in unison: okay, Jerry.

Jerry: now let's bring out our next guests. They have been in and out of time for many years. One escaped the guardian of time, and the other was corrupted by the sands. Together they are quite the old married couple. Please welcome the White Prince and the Dark Prince.

Crowd: (cheering) Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Jerry: Come out, Princes!

Coming down the stairs is a single Prince, the one from Two Thrones—The White Prince. He hurries down the stairs, but is not jubilant. He is subdued, having witnessed the sands destroy his life three times over.

He looks at his counterparts, each with a different degree of sorrow.

Jerry: (stammering) There's only _one_ of you

White Prince takes his seat next to the Red Prince.

White Prince: for now, there is only one.

Jerry Springer has a special microphone that allows the audience to hear inside the white Prince's head, where the dark Prince dwells.

dark Prince: (stereotypical breath of air before he starts talking) Aw, Prince… are you ashamed of me? If you are, you shouldn't be. Why say there is only one? Don't you like me?

White Prince: (raises his eyes skyward in a scowl, as if he can stare through his skull and gaze at the other part of himself) yes, I'm ashamed of you. And no, I don't like you. You've been nothing but trouble.

Dark Prince ( silence, and then an angry hiss) trouble? How dare you! Without me, you'd still be wandering around in those disgusting sewers!

White Prince: and without me, _you_ wouldn't be here!

Dark Prince: (ignoring the obvious) I would too!

White Prince: how? You can even survive a measly 10 minutes without getting some sand! You're the biggest pansy I have ever met!

red Prince chuckles you got that right.

Dark Prince: I can't help it. It's a weakness. (whines in his high voice) whaddaya want me to do?

White Prince: show some respect where it is due. You would not exist without me.

Dark Prince: okay, I concede. After all, it was your idiotic flight to rescue the Empress that put you in this situation. I guess I didn't realize until this moment that idiocy could be genius.

White Prince: it was not idiocy.

Dark Prince: Oh? Do enlighten me. I'm sure you have some wonderful explanations for me.

White Prince: it was my duty to rescue her. I was the one who brought her from the island of time, who saved her from her fate. I was responsible for her life.

Dark Prince: and apparently her death . Bravo. Bravo. (pause) and what would you call that? Some lovely words like chivalry? Courage? Bravery? And how about your favorite one: honor.

White Prince: at least I can learn to care about others. At least I have a part of me that recognizes responsibility. You on the other hand, aren't capable of anything that looks remotely like concern.

Jerry: hold on, hold on, white Prince. Let me interrupt here for a second. (Looks at him) why do you say he is incapable of higher emotions?

White Prince: because he doesn't care about anything else other than the sands! (Sounds like a family member with a drug addict)

Jerry: sounds like he's in need of some treatment.

Dark Prince: treatment? The only treatment I need is to be separated from this goody goody two shoes.

Jerry: it's sad. People really admit they have a problem.

Dark Prince: I'm not the one with the problem. He's the one with the problem. He's the one with the hero complex. If it wasn't for his obsessive need to be honorable all the time, he wouldn't get himself into these stupid situations.

Blue Prince: it's hardly obsessive. Father just raised me to be a good Prince.

Dark Prince: oh, yes, and then you killed him.

blue Prince weeps

Jerry: alright, alright, now. Let's take it easy. Dark Prince, why don't you come forward for awhile?

Dark Prince: (mocking politeness) oh I don't know. I'll have to ask permission first. Mother may I come out?

White Prince: if it'll keep you from tormenting the poor boy. (Looks at the blue Prince)

Dark Prince: (excited) Done!

the white Prince stands up, leaning back as a black spiral of smoke and sand consumes him. In its wake is the dark Prince.


	2. An unusal addiction

Episode 2: an unusual addiction

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Prince of Persia. They belong to Ubisoft and the Prince's marvelous creator. I also do not hold any rights to the Jerry Springer show.

_Enjoy episode two everybody. It'll certainly be better than the Star Wars movie by the same name, trust me. :P_

(The dark Prince stands on the stage surrounded by dramatic music that popped out of nowhere. He gives his usual fierce look, and then sits down in the chair. Sand colored lines cut up his black skin. Above him there is a little life meter that slowly disappears.)

Dark Prince: hello, Jerry. So nice to meet you.

Jerry: you look different than I expected, dark Prince.

Dark Prince: well, the Prince isn't exactly what I would call outer beauty.

White Prince: (speaks in a voice that he does when the dark Prince's dominant) oh, and I suppose you're inner beauty?

Dark Prince: I'm going to ignore that.

White Prince: now you know what it's like. Now maybe you won't talk to me incessantly when I'm trying to save my kingdom from disaster!

Dark Prince: hey, I helped to save that worthless pile of junk.

White Prince: (laughs) hardly. If it were up to you, you would've left it to burn.

the designs in the dark Prince's skin are becoming red

dark Prince: (nervously) hey, Jerry?

Jerry: yes, Prince?

Dark Prince: you happen to have any sand around here?

Jerry: not that I know of, Prince. But now that we are on the subject, we should really talk about your use of it. What exactly are the Sands, dark Prince?

Blue Prince: (guiltily, hanging his head) they are the sands of time, the evil substance, which I unknowingly unleashed from the hourglass.

Red Prince: created by that (Beep) the Empress of time.

Dark Prince: (annoyed) as I was saying. I really need some sand. (Now the red is beginning to fade, and the dark Prince is almost dead. He whips his dagger tail around so that it breaks the chair out from underneath the blue Prince. A glowing ball of sand appears miraculously, and the dark Prince hurriedly calls it into his body) (relaxed.) Ah, much better indeed. I was really in trouble there.

Jerry: I see that you are quite dependent on the sands. Who started you on this? Friends? Family members?

Dark Prince: what do you mean 'started me'?

Jerry: well, it seems to me that the sands are something you need. Something you're addicted to. So it seems logical that someone—someone very close to you—got you hooked.

Dark Prince: (indignant) what are you saying?

Red Prince: he's saying you have a problem, the way you suck sands in all of the time.

Dark Prince: (both hands out by his sides to display himself to the audience) look at me. Look at me, people. My body is _made_ of the sands. I am the sands of time!

Red Prince: (coughs) egotistical.

Dark Prince: well, it's true. I'm not making it up. (Eyes the red Prince, eliciting a growl from him.) See for yourself.

The red Prince looks over the dark Prince's body, his face contorting with disgust.) Well, that's pleasant.

(The blue Prince has climbed from the floor, and is now standing warily on the stage. He gazes with lowered head at the body tainted by the sands of time. A tender hand covers his trembling mouth. He wretches as if he's going to vomit) _Aaaahhhmmm_…. (drops to the floor in a faint).

(Dark Prince breaks open another chair, accessing its orb of sand. His colors returned to normal)

Jerry: (to the guards nearest to the blue Prince) someone get him some water, please! (As the guards are taking care of it, he turns to the dark Prince) you just got another bit of sand. What is this about? Do you have issues you haven't dealt with?

Dark Prince: look, what is it that you don't understand? Apparently the rest of you humans are just as slow as the Prince. I guess I will have to take time to explain. The Prince's body was contaminated by the sands of time when the wench who created them was slain by the vizier. The sands gave life to a newer and better part of the Prince. An embodiment of his pain and suffering.

Jerry: who would that be?

Dark Prince: it would be me, naturally. Since the sands allowed me to be realized, I cannot survive without them.

Jerry: (serious, and acting like he is talking to an unwilling drug addict or a victim) I see. But have you ever thought about not needing the sands? What if it is all in your head? What if you could just wake up one morning and go, 'I'm alright the way I am. I don't need to prove anything to anybody. I can give up those sands of time.'

(Can hear the Prince's drinking music as the blue Prince revives himself with a cup of water) blue Prince: marvelous. Just what I needed.

Dark Prince: it's not an addiction, okay? (Suddenly a bunch of sand appears on the floor, like it does in the first Prince of Persia game.) (The dark Prince's colors are beginning to change, and he is in need of another dose) (The blue Prince moves toward the collection of sand, readying his dagger to collect it) don't touch it! Don't you dare! (Runs over to the sand like a maniac) mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine!

(the blue Prince grunts, offended)

(the dark Prince calms down, having gotten his fix)

Blue Prince: you animal. (Stocks off)

Dark Prince: hey, don't knock it till you've tried it.

Jerry: I understand you say you need the sands. I understand how difficult it is for some people to give these kinds of things up. But just think of what you're missing. Having to stop every five minutes? Seems to me like it would get in the way of living a life.

Dark Prince: (sighs irritably) what an idiot. There's no explaining to these people.

Jerry: well, even if you don't want to give up the sands, I'm sure you're predecessors would. (Looks at the blue and red princes) you would like him to be free of his addiction, wouldn't you? (Blue Prince nods solemnly)

Red Prince: frankly, I think I look pretty sweet that way. With all those designs and everything. Man! I'm (beep)-ss lookin'! (Looks almost lovingly at the chain dagger tail) and that weapon…. (glazed eyes, shivers) mmmm! Oooohhhhhh yeah….

(Blue Prince rolls his eyes and sighs.) Blood and gore, that's all it ever is with you. Just more blood and gore. (Turns to Jerry) to answer your question, yes I would like him to get some help. I think it's absolutely appalling. And I shudder to think that I become such a wretched creature.

Guard: some water, your darkness?

Dark Prince: (screams) Aaah! Get that away from me! (Stops, noticing with climbing nerves that the audience and Jerry are staring at him wordlessly.) I…uh…have an allergy to water. That's all. I…uh… didn't mean to react that way. (Laughs) (clears his throat, while secretly breaking open the table next to him. Though it isn't so secret, since people can hear and see the table breaking, as well as the sand being absorbed into his body through his chest)

White Prince: he says it's an allergic reaction, because he turns back into me.

Dark Prince: (sinks slightly in his chair)

White Prince: but the truth is, I need him like an old man needs a broken hip. He's nothing but trouble, and it's even worse now that he needs sand. One corruption to fuel another, I say.

Blue Prince: Here, here! Well spoken!

Red Prince: (elbows the blue Prince like an elder brother elbows his younger sibling)

Blue Prince: (whines) Owwwwww! You hit me!

Red Prince: oh, boo-hoo. Go and cry to father about it, why don't you? (Pauses for dramatic/sarcastic affect) oh… that's right.. you don't have one. You killed him.

(Blue Prince runs away sobbing, his head in his hands. He is backstage, with the camera running after him. It is a stereotypical scene on the Jerry Springer show, most notably during the paternity test shows.)

Blue Prince: no… no… I didn't mean…(sniffling) I didn't mean to kill him. (Breaks down crying) I didn't want to! (Letting out coughing sobs) but I had to. I... I... I couldn't. He was going to kill me. (Howls painfully) _my own father_ was going to kill me!

(Guards tried to hand him a Kleenex box, but the blue Prince throws it back in their face.) Blue Prince: Leave me alone. I don't want your useless paper! If you really want to help me, you will help me collect the sands and reverse what I have done.

(Continues crying)

(back out to the main action)

Jerry: I guess I'll get to the point, dark Prince.

Dark Prince: oh, you had a point, did you? How surprising!

White Prince: would it kill you to be a little bit nice?

Dark Prince: yes. I do not have time to listen to this man any longer.

Red Prince: (mocking) Oooo okay, there Mr. I'm-the-Sands-of-time, I thought you had all the time in the world. (Shrugs) guess not.

(Dark Prince flicks his dagger tail warningly)

Jerry: I can see that tensions are beginning to run a little high, so I'll make this quick. Dark Prince, would you be willing to undergo treatments?

Dark Prince: I—

(from somewhere in a corner, a small bit of water gets splashed on him. the red Prince was walking by with a small cup of water.)

(The dark Prince begins to transform immediately, receding back into the flesh of the white Prince.)

Red Prince: Ooops. (Feigning regret) did I do that? I'm soooo sorry.

Dark Prince: just you wait, red Prince! If you think your sorry now, you really will be next time I get out! So you thought my dagger tail was pretty nice. Well it won't look so nice to you when it's buried in your jaw!

Jerry: (stepping forward on the stage towards the camera) well, folks, that's all the time we have. But please join us next week when we have a little family reunion. Until then, I'm Jerry Springer and this was your daily dose of reality.

_That's the end of episode two everybody. Please read and review, and join me next time when the Prince of Persia as a little family reunion._


	3. A not so happy family reunion

Episode three: a not so happy family reunion

**Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Prince of Persia. They belong to Ubisoft and the Prince's marvelous creator. I also do not hold any rights to the Jerry Springer show.**

(The Jerry Springer show comes on. At the bottom of the screen there is the blue bubble with the show's theme written in it. This one says, 'the Persia family gets together for a reunion.')

(The show begins, and the people do their stereotypical chanting as Jerry Springer walks onto the stage.)

Jerry: welcome back the show this week, people. If you thought last week's shows were entertaining, then this one will be no exception. With the help of my connections, we have located the prince's father, and he has agreed to join us on the show today. (Watching on the big screen above him, we see the three princes in the waiting room) whether the princes will admit it or not, I know they have been waiting for this moment. (Jerry Springer's eyes sparkle mischievously) shall we get this show on the road? Shall we bring them out?

Man: (throaty) yeah!

Crowd: (chanting) Prince, Prince, Prince, Prince, Prince, Prince!

Jerry: alright, then. Come on out, princes of Persia. (See on the screen above him the princes as they file out of the waiting room) (Like before, the Blue Prince is the first one down the stairs. He is polite, but subdued. The red Prince follows, holding his weapons so that it can show off his muscles. The white Prince is last looking thoroughly exhausted with the other two.)

(One by one, the princes take their seats.)

(The red Prince is flirting in an undignified fashion with one of the women in the audience)

(Blue prince looks at him with disgust)

(White Prince has opted to pay no attention whatsoever.)

Jerry: hello again, gentlemen. How are you?

Blue prince: fine, Jerry.

Red Prince: pretty good, Jerry.

(The white Prince doesn't answer immediately, and just stares tiredly down at his boots)

Jerry: (leaning forward) and how about you, white Prince? How are you doing?

White Prince: (sighs, shrugging)

Dark Prince: oh, he's just a little grumpy, is all. I don't know what's gotten into him. All of the sudden last night, he went into all this stuff about losing himself becoming a monster. I don't know who's been feeding him that nonsense. Probably that annoying woman (says name like a curse word) Farah.

White Prince: (mutters) you told me it wasn't going to be permanent.

Dark Prince: it's not my fault that you can't resist me.

White Prince: I can't resist you because you always return, and you are incessantly putting me under the power of your evil suggestion.

Dark Prince: oh, admit it. You like cutting down enemies by the tens. You love the gleam of that chain as it slices into flesh.

White Prince: I don't enjoy killing. _You _do.

Dark Prince: only because the death of the sand monsters allows me to live. (Tenderly, but in his usual sarcastic manner) try thinking of it that way for once, Prince and feel at home in your own skin.

White Prince: with that logic, I would never stop killing.

Dark Prince: not true. You would only kill those whom you needed to. You would only do what was necessary to save yourself.

White Prince: what about others, Prince? If I dare call you that. What about other people? What about my citizens? What of them? If I live and they die, what is the use of my life?

Dark Prince: see more sights, fight more battles, and enjoy more women, of course.

White Prince: father never raised such a Prince. Cruel, selfish, violent, and desirous of more than one woman, all the things my father never raised me to be. If you were his son, he would be turning over in his grave.

(The blue prince nods in agreement and surprisingly, although very stiffly, we see the red Prince agreeing)

Jerry: you're father was a big person in your life, wasn't he?

Blue Prince: (squeaks) yes, he was.

Jerry: well, I have a surprise for you boys. It took me a long time to find him, but I did. (The princes look up in surprise, and the blue prince is especially shocked)

Blue Prince: you mean…

Jerry: yes. (Raising his head to the audience.)

Red Prince: (gruffly) what? How can this be? (Looks at Jerry warily) (Under his breath) what magic is this?

White Prince: my father…. I'll be able to tell him…. finally that I'm sorry….

Dark Prince: who dug that old man up? I thought he was dead.

Jerry: please welcome the king of Persia himself, ladies and gentlemen! (Clapping, as the prince's father still in zombie form, hobbles down the stairs toward the stage)

(Blue prince darts up out of his seat, a look on his face that is somewhere between fear, anger, and love. He stands firmly in his place for a moment, before jumping behind his chair.)

(The King notices the blue prince crouching behind his chair.) (The king is speaking in English, but since he's a zombie, he speaks in the zombie groan) (For this reason, subtitles are required for his speech)

(Makes his way over to the chair, where his son is huddled foolishly behind its flimsy structure)

King:_ son, stop hiding. You and I need to talk._

Blue Prince: (nervously) I'm sorry; I'm not here right now. Come back later.

King:_ you know very well that that is not going to work on me, son. I can see that you are right behind that chair._

Blue Prince: no, I'm not.

Dark Prince: what an idiot.

King: (breaks the chair down with his sword)

Blue prince: (cries out in surprise and fear) I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please don't hurt me. I didn't mean to raise my sword against you.

King:_ well, I regret now that I raised you to be proud. Your pride and hunger for my approval is what drove the destiny of that day. But, I have decided to do things differently._ (Blue prince meets his father's eyes, and it is clear that some sort of doom is impending) _From this moment on I have decided to raise you so that you will be humble, instead of proud._

Blue prince: father, what are you…?

King:_ give me your sword, son._

Dark Prince: Oooooo (chuckles, beginning a taunt in the stereotypical sing-song fashion) you got in trouble, you got in trouble, you got in trouble!

King: (to blue prince)_ I asked you to give me your sword, son. Give it to me now, or you will be in more trouble._

Blue Prince: no.

King:_ Prince, obey me, or there will be no more moonlit strolls with Farah. Now give me the sword._

Blue Prince: (annoyed, like a typical teenage boy when women are involved) what? No. That's not fair. You can't _use her_ as leverage! She has _nothing_ to do with this.

King:_ she will if you continue to be insolent._

Blue Prince: (bowing slightly to the admonishment, but comes back strong) why should I give you my sword anyway? It's not _your_ sword.

King:_ I told you what would happen if you ever raised it against someone who is not your enemy. Since you cannot handle your sword responsibly, I am confiscating it. You'll get it back when I see that you can act like a proper Prince._

Blue Prince: you didn't give it to me. I found it. So it's mine, and you can't have it.

King:_ what happened to the one I gave to you?_

Blue Prince: (sarcastic, reminiscent of the dark Prince) oh, I don't know. I must've lost it, somewhere in between running from all those nasty sand creatures and fighting you.

King:_ don't you dare take that tone with me. You aren't too old to be taught a lesson._

Blue Prince: (blushes angrily)

Dark Prince: uh-oh, now you've done it.

King:_ I'll give you one last chance son, and then you face more consequences._

White Prince: just obey him. Please.

Blue Prince: (grudgingly, he hands over his sword) there. Are you happy now? (His father's hand is still held out)

King:_ the dagger too, son._

Blue Prince: Awwwwwww! Not the dagger, please father?

King:_ hand it over._

Blue Prince: (releasing a whining groan, he takes out the dagger and places it in his father's hands) you're not fair at all, you know that? I would almost prefer you dead.

(Red Prince lets out a stiff angry howl) don't talk to him that way.

(The camera turns on him, and we see that the red Prince has stood. His eyes are glistening with tears, and his usually hard face has gone soft. His weapons hang limply in his arms, and he seems as if all the rage that had driven him to slaughter is gone.)

Red Prince: (dropping weapons to the floor) F-father….Father! (Runs to the King, sobbing like a little boy) you're all right! I never thought I'd see you again. (Hugs the sand-filled body tenderly, crying into the shoulder) I missed you so much. I'm sorry all this happened. I'm truly sorry. Please forgive me. Forgive me, father.

King:_ there, there, son. Don't cry. I'm here now._

Dark Prince: Oh, how touching.

Red Prince: don't listen to that prideful bastard. (Glares tearfully at the blue Prince) I'm glad to have you back. (Wipes his eyes, and holds his father again) when I realized that my actions would lead to your death, I was more determined than ever to reverse them. (Holds father by the shoulder, and looks into his yellow eyes) I killed… I maimed so many…. Thousands… (Voice quivers) and I went on killing. I never thought I would stop. I didn't want to stop. The lives of those sand creatures were worthless compared to yours, father. I would dispatch millions if it meant I could reclaim your life with their deaths. I slaughtered anything that got in my way. (Tears stream out of his eyes and run down his cheeks) I just wanted you to live again. And now that you are… I don't have to be angry anymore… (His usually hard voice has gone completely soft) I don't have to kill anymore…

Dark Prince: oh, for the love of—

White Prince: be silent!

Dark Prince: no! Who made you the boss of me anyway?

White Prince: I'll deal with you later. Now be silent.

(The blue Prince is looking on at the emotional scene before him, and sits with his arms folded, and a very sour expression on his face.)

Blue Prince: (sounding like an early version of the dark Prince) pathetic. Oh, sure. Father will cradle that sobbing monster, but he'll threaten to punish me. The red Prince is the one using his swords without princely discretion. Why doesn't father take _his_ swords away?

Dark Prince: yes, good point little Prince. Why doesn't your father take his swords away?

White Prince: (is privy to the corruption that is taking place) you! I thought I told you to sit and be silent!

Dark Prince: (feigning fear) Ooo, I'm _shaking_.

(Exerts mental force on the dark half of himself. The dark Prince gasps, hissing, as he is subdued) (turns a fatherly gaze on his younger self) you are not to listen to that demon, is that understood? Do not give any serious thought to what he may tell you. It's all lies. (The blue Prince looks unconvinced) it is true. He will pretend to be your friend—pretend to have your best interests at heart—but he is nothing more than a monster. Ignore him.

Blue Prince: (still put off) that still doesn't change the fact that Father punished me and hugs him.

White Prince: he punished you, because you deserve it. You're a self-centered, obnoxious little brat!

Blue Prince: (scoffs) I am not!

Red Prince: you are too!

Blue Prince: excuse me? (Stands up, plants his hands on his torso) this is a conversation between the white Prince and myself, so kindly see your self out of it.

Dark Prince: (happily) Well done, little Prince! You have a right to speak up for yourself! Those holding the bloody sword should not complain about the death around them.

(The White Prince notices his younger self looking smug and arrogant, and immediately takes control of his other self)

Dark Prince: (weakly) you can't suppress me forever, Prince. Someday you'll have to come to terms with me.

(Jerry Springer, out of nowhere, and kind of creepily has tuned into their conversation)

Jerry: (jotting it down on a pad of paper, and saying it as he writes) coming to terms with your shadow self. Brilliant. That will be a good show.

(Notices the blue Prince looking sour)

Jerry: blue Prince, is there something you'd like to say?

Blue Prince: (glaring at the red Prince and the King sitting cozy) yes, there is something I would like to say. (Points to the red Prince) you devil! You've no right to sit my father as if you're nothing but an overgrown puppy dog! You would kill him sooner than hug him, and you know it!

Red Prince: why you little—

(the red Prince's swords are still lying on the ground. The blue Prince takes up one of them and the red Prince takes up the other) (a combination of battle music from the first game and the second begins to play)

Blue Prince: Cut me…if you dare!

Red Prince: Let's go, pansy!

(Swords clash)

Dark Prince: (excited by the touch of battle. To The Blue Prince) there you go, little Prince! Fight! Fight the hypocrite! Get him! (The two swords are locked in a shoving battle, and the blue Prince is losing) Get him! Push against him! (Insistent) dominate him!

Jerry: boys, boys!

Audience: fight, fight, fight!

(The bodyguards pull the two of them apart)

King: _that's it, son._ (Takes the sword away) _we're going home._

Blue Prince: make me!

(The King's men, also zombies, teleport onto the stage in a similar manner as they do in the game. Blue Prince shrieks, trembling. The zombies take a hold of him, and his face goes completely white.)

King: (to zombie servants) _bring him along. He's in a lot of trouble, and I do not want him escaping._

Dark Prince: Oh, darn. And just when it was getting good, too.

White Prince: silence, devil!

Red Prince: (holding out his hand to his retreating father) Father! Father, wait! Where are you going?

King:_ don't worry, son. You'll see me again._

(The zombie servants purposely make frightening faces at the blue Prince.) (He cries out, covering his face.)

Red Prince: when? When all I see you again, father?

King: _perhaps when you return to Persia._

Dark Prince: (under his breath) and see him dead in the bottom of the well.

Red Prince: What?

White Prince: (to dark Prince) shut up, you hellspawn!

Dark Prince: well, we wouldn't want to give him any false _hope_, now would we?

Blue Prince: (in the distance) (fussy and about ready to burst into tears) Father, don't do this to me. Please. You know how I hate zombies. Have a heart, will you? They're getting their death all over me! (Angrily to the zombies) don't touch me!

(Blue Prince continues complaining)

Jerry: well, once again folks we are all out of time. Please join me next week when we have the red Prince as our guest. Until then I'm Jerry Springer, and this has been your daily dose of reality.

(Camera pans out, and as we take a look out over the crowd, the blue Prince's voices audible)

Blue Prince: Ewwwwwwwwww! Father, something slimy just touched my arm! Ewwww! And there's an eyeball right by my shoulder! Get it off me, please! (Some of his dialogue is covered up by the noise of the crowd) (when we are able to hear him again, he has this to say) I said for the last time, you swamp toad! Keep your body parts to yourself! And stop breathing on me, will you? I'm a Prince you know, and I have an image to keep up. Because of you I'm going to end up smelling like rotting flesh by the time I get home. I'm sure that will make Farah want to be all over me, don't you?

Well, anyway, that's it for this episode. I'm sorry that it's a little bit longer than most. It's probably not as funny as you wanted it to be either, but this is how it turned out. The next episode will be much better, I promise. Although it may be a little while before I can get around to updating my story. Class work will be starting again from me soon.

_Join me for the next episode when the red Prince confronts some of his enemies and love interests alike._

_Please read in review. Your comments are much appreciated._


	4. girl trouble

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Prince of Persia

**Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Prince of Persia. They belong to Ubisoft and the Prince's marvelous creator. I also do not hold any rights to the Jerry Springer show.**

Episode four:

What Happens On The Island of Time Stays On The Island of Time

_The Jerry Springer show opens. On the lower part of the screen, there is the stereotypical blue bubble. The inside of it reads: 'the Prince is a womanizing deadbeat, and I want him to pay up!'_

Crowd: Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!

Jerry: (coming onto the stage, and holding his hands politely before him as he stands) welcome back everybody. It's been awhile since our last show. But I promise you, today will make up for all of the time we missed.

(Sporadic hoots and haulers of approval from the audience)

Jerry: (continued) yes, that's right folks; the Prince is back, and today we have quite a surprise for him. Let's get the show on the road. (Turns toward the staircase) please help me welcome the wrathful Prince of Persia himself, the red Prince! (Clapping)

(there is a mixture of excited calls and booing)

(the red Prince comes down the stairs, his face looking as haggard and hungry as ever. He seems as if he is on the lookout for zombies once again. From his vantage point on the last couple stairs, he squints into the audience, scrutinizing each face for the telltale sign of sand corruption.)

Jerry: (to Prince) come on down here, Prince.

(Red Prince climbs off the last couple stairs, and moves cautiously across the stage to his seat, all the while scanning the room. He takes his seat, but is not any more relaxed.

Red Prince: (gruffly) hello, Jerry. (Keeping tabs on the exits) thanks for having me.

Jerry: no, thank you for agreeing to join us, Prince. The viewers at home just couldn't get enough of you. (Eyes the audience and the camera playfully) am I right, people?

Crowd: yeah!!

Red Prince: (a small harsh laugh) so I see you finally decided to dump those pansies. They were nothing but an unbearable irritant.

Jerry: (leaning forward) I'm sorry you feel that way, Prince. They are gone for this episode, but they will be back. (Smiling) I came up with this episode especially for you, Prince.

Red Prince: (scowling)

Jerry: (Looks at his note cards a moment before, switching gears) Prince, (red Prince lifts his head expectantly) it has come to my attention that you once visited a place called the island of time. (Prince startles, a look of blood in his eye)

Red Prince: who told you?

Jerry: (guarding against the Prince's impulse to cut him down) I found out that much from my network. And besides, it is an everyday that someone travels to such an island. Please tell us, what were you doing there?

(The red Prince sits back slightly, but looks unwilling to tell any information. To Jerry's relief, he has released his hold on the weapon)

Red Prince: I went there to change my fate.

Jerry: (hesitantly) I don't want to make you uncomfortable here, Prince. But I have to ask, both for myself and the audience, what exactly was your fate?

Red Prince: (irritated) I thought this was already explained to you people in depth? Didn't you hear the blue Prince babbling on and on about this? (Looks down, as if he is trying to prepare himself mentally) very well then. I will keep this short and simple. My fate was the sands of time. By opening them I had changed my world, laying waste to the land and killing my father. I sought to rectify the situation, and did so by collecting enough sand to rewind time to before I opened the hourglass. This accomplished, and everything else left intact, I thought I had completed the mission. I thought I had completely restored my honor. But lo. There was a guardian. A guardian of the timeline, a guardian of the sands.

Jerry: (mesmerized) a guardian?

Red Prince: (darkly) yes, that dreadful beast is called the Dahaka. Evidently, I was supposed to die with the opening of the sands, but I survived. I survived, and put myself forward and back through time. This kind of disturbance awakened to the guardian of fate; the Dahaka then sought to destroy me, setting right the River of fate. But I would not be subdued. The vizier could not win against me, and his zombies could not conquer me. I had been triumphant. And it would be the same with this Dahaka—this relentless beast of shadows—I would conquer.

Jerry: fascinating! Absolutely fascinating!

Red Prince: I now had one more thing to be rid of. The Dahaka. Still making sure that the sands never came under creation was my goal. I would bring back my father, the kingdom of Persia and erase all trace of the sands of time from existence. I would return to my old self, never having had opened the hourglass. Now it was before me to find out who was the creator. She was the Empress of time. My mission then became to find and kill the Empress before the sands of time were created, while eluding the Dahaka.

Jerry: it was no small task then, I gather?

Red Prince: no, certainly not. Not easy by any standard, and not small by any stretch of the imagination.

Jerry: of course. I couldn't do it what you did. I don't think any of us could.

(Red Prince's expression softens slightly. After a moment, he regains some of his trademark hardness.)

Red Prince: it is not a matter of ability. It is sheer will, and never wanting to give up. I have the honor of a Prince, and so I am compelled to act like one. I was confident in myself, and persistent even though I was continually told I would fail. Somehow through all of my determination, I made fate bend to my will (cracks the first beginnings of a smile. The first one in four or five years) after all, a Prince bends down to no one and no _thing. Not even_ his fate.

Jerry: well, Prince, that is beyond believable. You deserve all the rewards of such work, and evidently you were very liberal in this regard.

(The Prince jerks his head up, a look of human-induced fear instead of Dahaka-fear, permeating his features. He is too honorable to run, or show his anxiety, so he sits stiffly in his seat)

Jerry: you met two beautiful ladies while on the island, did you not?

Red Prince: I'm surprised you can call any of them beautiful. Especially that dreadful knife wielding bitch, Shadee. She was nothing but trouble for me, and I was more than glad to see her leave me alone. (A growing discomfort is evident, and we begin to guess that perhaps our noble prince is telling a lie) (catches Jerry studying him) I am not without a heart, trust me, Jerry. I reformed my ways, and after slaying the Empress of time once, I decided to save her. After all, she deserved to escape her fate as much as I did.

(Kaileena bursts out of the room above the stairs, and comes whirling down in a fit of rage onto the stage.)

Kaileena: you liar! You didn't save me from being killed for my sake! (Steps toward him, face bright with anger) you saved me to save yourself! You saved me because you realized the sands were within me, and therefore still existing even after I was slain. You released them with your blade, and like a foolish child, you could not accept the consequences of your actions! (Slaps the rugged face before her) you were too afraid of the Dahaka chasing you—too afraid to face your fate!

(Red Prince backs away)

Red Prince: (quietly) Kaileena…

Kaileena: be quiet, Prince! You are not allowed to speak!

Red Prince: I—

Kaileena: silence! Until you learn to place responsibility on your hands where it is due, you will not get the luxury of spoken language!

Jerry: Empress Kaileena, have a seat. You look tired.

Kaileena: (picking the seat furthest away from the Prince. She notices with interest that there are two empty seats.) I will not sit by him. You cannot trust him as far as he can throw his sword.

Jerry: (kindly) that's perfectly all right, Empress. You may sit where you like.

Kaileena: thank you, Jerry. You know how to be kind, unlike some men. (Shooting a deadly glare at the Prince, to which he replies in kind)

Jerry: Kaileena,--if I may, of course—

Kaileena: you may.

Jerry: Kaileena, the Prince has angered you, hasn't he?

Kaileena: in a word, yes, he has.

Jerry: but it's not just the fact that he had killed you, is it? (Studies the Empress, and notices that he has hit a chord somewhere deep inside of her) it's more than that, isn't it? He hurt you in a deeper way, didn't he? What did he do, Empress?

(The Prince squirms)

Jerry: go on, it's all right. You can tell me.

Kaileena: he slept with me, and then left without saying anything. And then when it was all over he had the audacity to ask me to come with!

Red Prince: Kaileena.

Kaileena: I said, silence!

(The crowd starts booing)

Red Prince: I ran away, because the stupid Dahaka was chasing me, Kaileena! What would you have preferred that I do? Wait around and be eaten? Install a waterfall at the threshold of your bedroom? Maybe if you have learned how to call him off, we wouldn't have had any problems. And as for having the audacity to ask you to come with me after it was all over—that was me being a Prince, Kaileena. I knew that you wouldn't take very well to me disappearing from the island without giving you a chance at something better, so I decided to do that service, if nothing else.

(A very familiar feral scream enters into the room, and the prince's irritation flames onto his face)

Red Prince: (to himself) how in the world does she keep coming back? How? It is impossible! And what the hell does she want with me this time?

(Camera moves toward the scream, and we see that Shadee has entered the picture. She is wearing her stereotypical leather black outfit, and holding her two vicious looking swords)

Shadee: you are such a liar, Prince! You only left with the Empress, so that you could escape me!

(The Prince laughs nervously)

Red Prince: you've got to be joking, Shadee. I beat you every time we enter into battle, so why would I _run_ from you? Tell me that.

Shadee: (coming toward him with her blades draw) I didn't say you were running from me, Prince. I said you went away with Kaileena to escape me. To escape _your _responsibility, so don't give us that crap about being honorable.

Red Prince: (confused) us? What do you mean us?

Shadee: oh, give me a break, Prince. Don't act like you don't know.

Red Prince: I have no idea what in the hell you're talking about, woman!

Shadee: see? See? That right there—that's my proof.

Red Prince: what is? (Stereotypical irritated scream) you aren't making any sense!

Shadee: Oh, I'm not, am I? (Takes measured steps toward the prince) that's exactly what I expected to hear from the likes of you. (Her ferocious swords gleam on her hands like fangs) after all, you don't think about anything else but yourself. It's a wonder I would make any sense to you.

Prince: (waiting impatiently) woman, did you just come here to insult me, or you actually have something important to say? (He gestures toward her, looking as if he'd rather slap her instead)

Shadee: fine, I guess I won't keep you waiting. (One of her swords draws uncomfortably close to the prince's calf) since you can't wait for what I have to tell you. (She turns away from the prince, straightening her body. It is obvious she has something powerful as a secret). Kumar, my little one, go ahead and come out.

Prince: Kumar? Who is he?

Jerry: (walking gently to the stairs that Kumar will come down) yes,come on down, Kumar – there's nothing to be afraid of here. We're all friends. (Turns of the audience) come on, people. Let's give him a nice round of applause.

(The audience responds accordingly)

(an Arabic song, mixed with heavy metal begins to play as a young but very tall boy begins to walk down the stairs. He holds his shoulders very proud. His skin as pale, and he is dressed in a black outfit much like the one Shadee wears, except with less skin visible. His hair styled shore like the prince's, but has significantly more spikes. His eyes are dark, and his lips are the color of a muted rose.)

(Kumar puts a hand up to the audience, smiling slightly before he catches a glimpse of his father. His face then turns dark, and his eyes fierce.)

Shadee: (coaxingly) come here, my child, I have someone I want you to meet.

Kumar: as you wish, mother.

Prince: (sickened) mother? Mother! (Looks around him, as if searching for more proof of what he just heard.) You've got to be kidding me. You gave birth to that thing? You?

(Kumar steps down onto the floor, and strides in the prince's direction.)

Prince: (getting unnerved) do not step any closer to me, youth.

(Kumar continues to advance on his father.)

Prince: (harshly) youth, I will not tell you again – do not advance upon me any further. (Nervously, his fingers twitch by his weapons. He is unwilling to lift a blade against a very young boy, but if in danger, he has no other choice.) Do not make me raise my swords to you, young one. You will lose.

(Kumar smiles, and displays a small dagger couched in his leather outfit) I wouldn't worry about that, sir. I'm not as young as I look. And mother has taught me well. (He tosses his head arrogantly, strolling off toward his mother.)

(Prince stands speechless)

(Jerry comes to his shoulder, resting his hands reassuringly on the bare skin.) Do you know who he is, prince?

Prince: (he looks to Jerry, and then to the boy seated next to Shadee) No. (He studies the boy as he would a potential enemy) how the hell should I know?

Jerry: (walking with him over to an empty chair) well, prince, he is someone very close to you. (Sitting him gently down in the seat) he is your son, prince – his name is Kumar.

Prince: (startles violently) my son? I don't have a son! How could possibly have a – (suddenly remembering some hidden memory)

Shadee: (peering out from behind her son) that's right, prince. You got me pregnant. What else did you think was going to happen? (The prince still looks completely horrified) and then what did you do? You left me on that godforsaken Island of time! And with no one take care of me! (Stands up, drawing one of her swords.) Oh, yes! (Looks at Kaileena) you decided you were going to rescue her. Her. The one you didn't knock up.

That's it for now, guys! Sorry for such a long wait. This episode will have a part two. Honestly, I will try and get it written as soon as possible. Please read and review! Your comments are appreciated.


	5. Girl Trouble Part II

Prince of Persia meets Jerry Springer episode 4, part 2: Girl Trouble

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Prince of Persia. They belong to Ubisoft and the Prince's marvelous creator. I also do not hold any rights to the Jerry Springer show.

Red prince: (continued) I have no son!

(Everyone including the prince is standing where we left them last. Prince is still looking at his son, as if it is sand creature crawling out from the pits of hell).

Kumar: (calmly) my mother told me you were irresponsible, but she didn't tell me you were stupid. If I'm not your son, then what am I? (Looks at his father keenly) certainly I'm not another zombie. Look into my eyes, father.

Red prince: you hellion, desist calling me that!

Kumar: (a small smile appears on his lips) what? "Father"? How about daddy? (The Prince twitches visibly sick.) oh, so you don't like that one either?

Red prince: (looks at his son directly, for the first time. He, however, looks like he would rather be looking down the mouth of the Dahaka.) Listen kid – I don't want any name, especially not from you. Furthermore, I don't want one that connects me to you in any way.

(Crowd boos, you can especially hear the women)

Jerry: now, prince, is that any way to talk to your boy? All he wants is for you to acknowledge him.

Prince: if he really is my boy, I can talk to him however I please.

(For the benefit of the crowd, and to show everyone what a dead beat his father is, Kumar has begun sniffling.)

Kumar: (tearfully) just look into my eyes, please, father. Once you do, you'll see who I really am. (Looks up at father, eyes moist and bright.) See? You live in me.

(The Prince is highly uncomfortable, trying to find some other place to look. But he cannot deny what the young boy has told them. Indeed, his eyes keep no secrets.)

Prince: (angrily, trying to keep up his tough guy image) all right, you twerp! So what if I'm your father? What is that going to mean to you? (Mutters under his breath) damn. I wanted to have a son with Kaileena…or Farah. And I wanted him to become the next Prince of Persia. But it's too late for that now.

Shadee (coming into the conversation) as crazy as ever, I see. What are you muttering about now? Still going on about the Dahaka? Prince, I've told you 1000 times over – there is no such thing as a Dahaka.

Prince: (turns to shadee) be quiet, woman! I'm not crazy, and even if I was talking about something important, what makes you think I would tell you?

Shadee: I can see by the look on your face, that you have accepted Kumar as your son. You acknowledge him as your successor, and heir to the Persian throne. That is why you will tell me everything.

Prince: whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold on a minute, woman! When did I say that I accepted him? When did I say that, hm? (marching toward her, with a sword dangerously free) and another thing: when in the hell that I say that I named him as my successor and the heir to the Persian throne? (Laughs derisively) you must have crow shit plugging your ears, because I never said such a thing. And I never would. I never will. Even if you were my queen – legally – and he were my son – legally – which, if I may point out – he isn't – there is no way across my father's heart and hope he stays dead – I would ever – ever in 1000 years – let him become the next King of Persia.

Shadee: Ha. Just as I expected – complete reluctance and failure to take responsibility. If you don't want him to be king, then he will be named a prince. Should you and Kaileena have a child, and something should happen to him, my baby should be next in line.

Prince: (looks reluctant, but the alternative is worse. His citizens could find out about the bastard child, and then he might face the reality of being dethroned.) All right, woman. You got what you wanted. He will be a prince in name – but in name alone – (looks at his son scornfully) I can see already that he lacks the heart and soul of a Persian prince. I should count on him not, if evil befalls my kingdom. I shall count on _my own_ son, myself, or not at all. I would rather die in the sands of time then see him take the throne.

Kumar: (Coolly) Well, then, that makes two of us. I'm not counting on you either. You haven't really been there, anyway.

(Audience makes "ooooo" sound).

Prince: funny. I didn't even know you existed, and yet you expect me to "be there for you," – your mother is quite a woman, I'll tell you that! See what kind of ideas she's been putting in your head?

(Kumar strikes a defensive pose)

Shadee: the only ideas I've been putting in his head, are ones about responsibility and what a jerk his father is!

Prince: it doesn't matter how many times you say that phrase, it's going to have the same effect. Why don't you try calling me something new? That should spice things up.

Shadee: Not in front of my baby. I'm a mother now – I have standards of behavior. You should too, "father."

(Prince shudders)

Jerry: so, Prince, now that you have a son, what do you plan to do? I'm sure he and his mother are anxious to know how you're going to rectify your less than fatherly behavior.

Prince: (Stares daggers at Shadee) what do you want me to do now, pay child support out of the royal treasury? (Doesn't wait for an answer) I bet you do. I bet that's all you ever wanted from me, anyway. After all, you were only with the empress for her sand. (Shadee looks mortified) that's right, I know about that.

(Camera pans over to Kaileena. You can see the blush of shame on her cheeks. There's something difficult about the relationship between these two women.)

Jerry: oh, my. This is more complicated than I thought. (Takes out his notepad again. Writes something down.) Yes. That will make a great show. (Returns to the action around him).

Shadee: for your information, Prince – I don't want your money. I don't need you to pay to take care of my son. I'm doing that just fine. What I want is for you to become more involved in his life. The poor boy's already eight years old.

Prince: "more involved," – what exactly is that going to look like? Me moving back to the island of time, and getting a little piece of Driftwood to call my own? I don't think so.

Shadee: I want Kumar to come live with you in Persia. I want him to live in the palace, and learn the ways of a prince. I want you to be a father to him. (Walks straight over to the prince, for the first time looking soft and mother-like). You lost your own father, Prince. Don't make him lose his.

(Audience cheers)

(Prince does his feral scream, because he realizes now he has no choice. He must take his son in, and return to Persia. He must train him as a prince, while everyone else is watching. If he fails, people will slander him).

Prince: (looks sideways at his son, but with no tenderness or affection). You're coming to Persia with me. You are not to trouble me. One mistake, and I'm removing your title of Prince.

Farah: (off to the side) so, Prince, now I see you for what you really are. (Camera jerks over to the audience. We see Farah striding up the aisle, looking pissed). You're nothing but a lying pig!

Prince: (looks like he's just been beaten over the head with the hourglass) Farah? What are you doing here? Where did you come from?

Farah: I've been sitting here the whole time, you idiot! Not only have you been cheating on me with two women; you have a son!"

Red Prince: hey, it's not like I planned any of this!

(Farah advances on him, bow drawn).

Farah: (angrily gesturing at Kaileena). Didn't plan any of it? You'll willingly traversed the landscapes of fate and time To undo your mistake, so that you could rescue her! That doesn't sound like, "not planning," any of it.

Red Prince: (has one sword defensively poised) well, yeah, I planned that. (Moves to ward off her impending attack). But I didn't plan on Miss Leather, here, getting herself pregnant._ That's_ what I didn't count on.

Farah: (eyes look moist, and cheeks looked flushed with emotion) what I can't believe, is that you chose her. (Bobs head toward Shadee). Did you ever think that there might be someone else – someone who would have been more than willing to have children with you? (Farah's cheeks and eyes have gotten brighter). Did you ever think that I might – (her pride will let her finish the sentence).

(Red Prince looks completely thrown for a loop)

Red Prince: I cannot believe what I am hearing! Are you telling me, that you're actually attracted to me? (Even he has a slightly embarrassed smile). Oh, Farah, one who loved to loathe me! Don't tell me you've had a change of heart? Have all my trials and tribulations finally won your affections?

(For a moment, Farah seems too embarrassed to divulge the truth. But then, as suddenly as it began, her vulnerable attitude vanishes, and we have the familiar princess back. She draws her bow, pointing the tip of an arrow warningly at the Prince's chest).

Farah: don't flatter yourself. That was just – that was just -- a temporary lapse in my reserve. Nothing more. (To the Prince, she is hardly convincing). I just am concerned for the kid. I can't trust you to be alone with him. You don't know how to take care of yourself, let alone a child. (The Prince seems offended). Don't give me that look! You know as well as I do, that you would have been as helpless as a drowned rat without me! (Regretfully, the prince knows what he is beaten, and has to concede. He mutters, "point taken," but does not meet her eyes. His swords hanging lazily in his hands.) I can give the boy a working knowledge of archery. At least I can make sure that if another danger were to be unleashed on Persia, he can defend himself and the country better than you can. (She eyes Kumar). You are lucky to have me to help you. He may not have such luck. (She gestures to the boy). Come, Kumar. You must be trained properly. Your mother has given you sportsmanship. Your father will give you acrobatics. And I will give you archery. With use things you will be unstoppable. Come learn from us, so that you may secure the future of your mother, and yourself. (Kumar is seemed to give a dark and skeptical look to his father). Be not concerned with his past behavior. He will do his best by you. (She moves the arrow tip closer to the Prince). I will make sure. Now, come. The ride to Persia is a long one.

(Hesitantly Kumar leaves his mother's side, and joins the Prince and Farah).

(Jerry claps enthusiastically, and the audience joins him).

Jerry: (the Prince, Farah, and Kumar are walking out of the building, and to some unknown thing that will take them to Persia). Now isn't that nice? Isn't that a happy ending folks? Don't worry, though. That isn't the last we've seen of them. (He has said this for the benefit of the audience, as well as for the Empress and Shadee). We'll check back with them in a few weeks, to see how Young Kumar's training is going. (Shuffles his notecards). But for next week, get ready for the other princes to return. Also, be excited for a surprise visit. (He smiles genuinely). Until next week, I'm Jerry Springer, and this has been your daily dose of reality.

(Credits roll, and Jerry goes to comfort the two remaining women).

Well, that's it for this episode. Sorry guys, for taking so long. Life has a habit of getting in the way. But I hope to be more diligent about getting new episodes out. As always, thank you for your patience, and please read and review.


	6. A Longlost Relative?

Prince of Persia meets Jerry Springer episode five:

Long-lost relative?

**Disclaimer: I do not own prince of Persia, or any related trademarks or ideas. Those are the property of Ubisoft, and the prince's original creator.**

(Camera comes on, and as usual the little blue bubble on the side, with today's topic).

Jerry: welcome. We're still with the Persia family. (Camera pans the stage, and we see all of the princes sitting in their respective chairs). But today, we're in for another little surprise. (As usual, the princes show their own personal expressions of apprehension). A special guest, I guess you could say. (Shuffles note cards) We have a busy day today. Shall we get started?

(Audience cheers)

Jerry: Let's get this show on the road! (Takes a seat on the stage, along with his guests). I'd like to know how everyone is this morning.

All princes, except for one: good, Jerry. (The one who doesn't answer, is of course, the Dark Prince, but he isn't long in his reply. Again, stereotypically, his voice seems to come from thin air).

Dark Prince: (a little too ecstatic, as if he is planning something dastardly) terrific!

Jerry: (barely suppressing a flinch) very good. Glad to hear it. (The dark Prince's tone still bugs him, and so he quickly moves on to the next segment of the show). But that's enough for small talk. (Turns to the Blue Prince, as he is a less intimidating of the group). Blue Prince, (the blue Prince looks up expectantly. He is happy to be the center of attention,_ finally_).

Blue Prince: yes, Jerry?

Jerry: I have a question for you. It's on family matters. While you were growing up in your father's palace – did you ever meet – or were you aware of – a cousin? Someone who might compete with you for the throne?

Blue Prince: (totally caught off guard) a cousin? No, I don't suspect so.

Dark Prince: unless it was one of your father's dirty little secrets, and he kept him tied up and tortured somewhere.

White Prince: look, you! Just because you have the mind of an evil spirit, doesn't mean the rest of us do! Quit interrupting a perfectly decent show, with your indecent commentary.

Dark Prince: oh forgive me, _your Majesty_!

Red Prince: would you two shut up? I have enough to worry about, without your incessant bickering giving me a headache!

(Blue Prince trembles, still not used to the easy fury of another part of himself. The White and Dark Princes, however, immediately clam up).

Jerry: sorry. Anyway, please continue.

Blue Prince: (unsteadily) as I was saying before, I never knew anything about extended family. My father never spoke of it. And I doubt sincerely that he would keep such an important secret from me. (Looks at his other selves). From all of us.

(Other princes nod in agreement).

Jerry: interesting. Are you sure?

White Prince: quite positively. My father and I were never one to keep secrets from each other. A dishonest person, makes a dishonest Prince, he used to say.

Jerry: (proudly) well, I just happened to –

(A loud, continuous screeching interrupts him. It is extremely loud, especially in an auditorium that has gone completely silent. Everyone cringes, for the sound is like silverware on china. A very manly, and confident voice follows).

New Prince: there's one. (Everyone hears the shimmering sound that occurs, when you gather a light seed in the next-generation Prince of Persia game. It is followed by a mysterious woman's voice, chanting in some ancient language. The screeching starts anew). Another one.

Elika: My power grows stronger.

(All the princes look on, as if seeing something disturbing. Suspiciously, they follow the movements of these new arrivals, as they leap around collecting light orbs).

Elika: we must collect more.

New Prince: (makes his jumping "hup" noise). Here's another.

(In one of the chairs, you can see the blue prince fidgeting nervously with the dagger of Time).

(Finally, the visitors hop onto the stage. Light orbs have appeared around the perimeter of the stage. Quickly Elika and the new Prince run around collecting them. When all is said and done, they finally walk up to Jerry).

(Jerry, along with the princes, looks anything but comfortable).

Jerry: (nervously, as if he is expecting one of them to have a nervous breakdown at any moment) welcome. Elika, was it?

Elika: (casually) yes.

(Next to her, the New Prince is rolling his shoulder, as if he has a crick in it).

Jerry: and you must be the Prince?

New Prince (surprised, slightly irritated). Whoa, whoa, man! I just met you, and you're already calling me a prince? I have been through this with Elika already! I'm not a Prince, and I'm certainly not going to turn into one, okay? I'm a grave robber. Say it with me: "GRAVE_ROBBER."

(The princes exhibit varying expressions. As we expect, the Blue Prince and White Prince exhibit signs of disapproval. The red Prince appears slightly interested, and the Dark Prince only chuckles).

Jerry: all right, well, just have a seat. (Clearly, this is not what he had in mind when he invited this new family member).

(The new Prince takes a seat next to the red prince, but Elika remains standing. She prefers to stay on her feet, and keep an eye out for danger. Jerry doesn't bother asking if she would rather take his seat. It's obvious she would have done so, if she wanted).

(The princes survey their new guests, and vice versa).

Jerry: (clears throat) okay, well, let's get this show on the road. (Leaning forward) I'd like to welcome you, Mr. Grave Robber. (He seems uncomfortable with the title, and would rather call this new man with curious red then blue scarves, "Prince." Already the situation makes him look like an idiot). I invited you here, because I believed you were in the same family as these very young gentlemen here.

(The New Prince looks at his company, raising eyebrows at their attire. He looks like he would rather steal from them, then admire them).

New Prince: what's with the get up, guys? You look like all the royals I've ever stolen from. (The more noble princes blanch, as if they're picturing themselves the victim of one of these robberies, or much worse).

Blue Prince: I don't know who you are, ruffian, but we are indeed Princes of Persia. (The other two nod in agreement. The Dark Prince mutters something into the room, but it's unintelligible. Whatever it is, it sounds devious).

New Prince: I see, I see. Princes of Persia, huh? (Looks at Jerry). And I suppose you invited me here so I could steal from them, right? (The look in his eye is hopeful). Man, I'd be able to get a whole palace with rooms with really thick carpet!

(From behind the chairs, Elika rolls her eyes).

Elika: not this again.

New Prince: what? It's true!

Jerry: (seeing the grounds for a possible argument, he quickly changes the subject) carpet aside, no, _Prince_, I did not call you here so you could rob them. (The new Prince flinches, not liking to hear either piece of information).

New Prince: damn. What am I doing here then? I don't like to engage in anything that's not going to be profitable for me, you know.

Elika: (from behind him) oh, come on! You're helping me fight Ahriman! You're doing that to help me, aren't you?

New Prince: (shaking his head) look, I care about you, all right? But I'm just helping you so I can get back to my life. I can't have the Lord of Darkness getting in the way of my lucrative business. I mean, how many graves am I gonna be able to rob, if that guy -- God -- takes over the world? Not many. And that's not gonna work for me. (Looks at Jerry, and then at the other princes, who have voiced sounds of horror). And for the record, I am not a Prince. Please don't address me as one.

Elika: (slightly wounded) well, you could be.

Blue Prince: I'll say you're not. What kind of Prince robs innocent people?

New Prince: I didn't say I was, genius. How many times I have to tell all of you that? I am a professional grave robber. I don't wear crowns—I steal them, all right?

Jerry: (exasperated) okay, so you're not a prince. I get it. But do you at least have a name I can address you by?

New Prince: (staring a little sexily through his scarves that he has now wrapped around his face) maybe I do, maybe I don't. What's it to you? I usually don't like to give my name out to strangers, unless it happens to be a beautiful woman. (Elika slaps him on the side of his head). In stereotypical Prince of Persia game fashion, the New Prince voices an "ooowwww!").

Elika: you haven't even told me your name; so don't go giving everyone else that lie.

(In the meantime, the Red Prince has given the New Prince a high five for his comments about only telling your name to a beautiful woman).

New Prince: (coolly) some things are just better left unsaid, you know?

Elika: (walks around to the front of the New Prince's chair) better left unsaid, huh? You mean like where you got that magical sword, for instance? Or how about that gauntlet?

Red Prince: (piping up, eyes glittering with desire) I'd like to know where you got that, as well. It would come in handy.

(The new Prince moves away from the red Prince slightly).

Elika: (continued) or why you wear those scarves all the time?

New Prince: I thought I told you that already. They seem to believe in me. Every time I wear them on a job, I always come back with more loot than I know what to do with.

Blue Prince: you certainly don't dress like you're wealthy, let alone successful. (New Prince ignores him). Honestly, I've seen peasants with more class.

(For the first time since this series of shows began, the Blue Prince gets a genuine laugh from the Red Prince).

Red Prince: that's for sure.

(By a sleight-of-hand, the new Prince flips off his crimson relative, using the fingers on his hand with the gauntlet).

(At seeing this insult, the Red Prince gets up, drawing his sword. Curiously, the New Prince hasn't drawn his weapon).

Red Prince: what's the matter, "Aladdin"? You scared? (New Prince doesn't answer). Ha! I knew you were nothing but a coward! Unlike me, you are not brave enough to face your own fate!

(And irritated blush seems to be forming underneath the blue and red scarves, but it's hard to tell).

New Prince: (frustrated) I'm not a coward! I can't draw my sword out of battle mode! It's the way I was raised, dude!

Red Prince: (laughs) right. (Takes a swing at the New Prince).

(Suddenly, the New Prince's gloved hand comes up toward his eye, in a kind of battle stance. He can now draw his sword. He does so. It is long and curved. An odd light seems to emanate from it, as if under godly influence).

(Suddenly too, Elika is close to him).

Elika: I think it's one of Ahriman's soldiers, but I don't see any corruption! Please be careful!

Red Prince: (confused) corrupt-ti-whadda? What in the hell are you talking about, woman? And who the hell is this "Ahriman" guy? (Suspicious) is he related to the Empress of Time?

Elika: (comically confused/frustrated face) the Empress of time? I have never heard of her.

Blue Prince: (panic stricken) oh, no! He could be related to the vizier!

White Prince: (quietly) you're right. I don't know what I shall do, if I have once again failed.

(Meanwhile, the New Prince and the Red one, have begun to circle one another, like in the new Prince of Persia).

Dark Prince: it's quite simple, really. You will just turn into me, and then _I_ will take over the throne.

White Prince: no! If I fail, it will not be because I did not try to change fate! (Joins the fight. The New Prince has dealt his attacker swift retribution. The sword is more dangerous than it looks).

New Prince: (surprised) what? Hey! There's only one of me, and two of you! Elika! I need your help!

(White Prince has transformed into his Dark self).

Dark Prince: (chuckles) bloodshed! This is more like it!

(As she does in the game, Elika jumps in front of the prince, somersaulting into this just-appeared enemy. She is covered in light, and chanting).

Elika: for the light!

Red Prince: Aahhh! What is this stuff!

Dark Prince: it's worse than losing my sand reserves! It stings!

White Prince: good. Perhaps now you will be purified of your darkness.

(Elika volleys into the dark Prince two more times in succession, knocking him against the far wall of the stage).

Elika: for Ormazd!

(Now the duo has turned their attention to the Red Prince. The new Prince throws him up in the air, and hits him with his sword. Elika joins him, and their enemy is tossed through the back wall, and into the green room).

(A continuous stream of bleeped-out speech comes from the greenroom).

New Prince: (worried) Elika, are you all right?

Elika: I'm fine. We have to keep moving. The healing grounds are not here.

(In the corner, the white prince is slumped against the wall, groaning. The Dark Prince no longer holds sway over his body).

(One of Jerry's guards runs over to help the fallen prince to his feet. He rises, looking shaken. He dares not look Elika in the face).

White Prince: (in his seat) thank you.

(For the first time, the Dark Prince comes over the air, but has only sounds of pain to make, not his usual flippant commentary).

(New Prince has helped himself and Elika look back over to their seats).

Red Prince: (screaming) all right, you she devil! Time to meet your end! (Charges out of the greenroom, and heads straight for Elika, hammer raised. He picked it up somewhere).

New Prince: no! (Steps in front of Elika, deflecting the attack with his sword. The weapons become locked, and just like in the game, Elika positions herself at his back, for extra support). You're not going to hurt her. Not on my watch.

Red Prince: oh? So you _are_ noble.

New Prince: whatever. I guess you could say that.

(Both Elika and the Prince increase pressure on their foe, and after a few tough minutes, gain the upper hand. The Red Prince is pushed back. Just as he is about to engage them a second time, the room suddenly turns a hazy yellowish-gold color).

(Everyone freezes).

Blue Prince: what is going on? This wasn't supposed to happen!

Red Prince: no! It can't be! (Fast-paced rock music begins to play).

(But it is. The Dahaka brakes through the walls of the studio, roaring. His tentacles move with tenacious energy. He will capture and kill the prince who dared to jump through time).

(The audience scatters, screaming. The room fragments, and swinging bars, ledge pieces, smooth walls, and shafts appear. The Red Prince begins to run the newly appeared obstacle course).

(The Blue Prince screams, fainting).

Red Prince: (to the Dahaka) I thought I defeated you! And yet you return, you bastard! (He leaps, narrowly escaping a black tentacle).

New Prince: holy crap! And I thought the corrupted were scary!

Elika: (fiercely) it's Ahriman! He's here! We have to defeat him once and for all!

New Prince: that's not the King of Darkness, Elika. But even if he was, what are we going to do? We don't have a little tree to trap him in.

Elika: (turning to him) that's right, and whose fault you think that is?

New Prince: (crouching, ready to attack at any moment) Princess, I hardly think this is the time to discuss this.

Elika: (power glittering on her hands) it's your fault, and you know it. If we're going to stop this, we need the Aura. I'm sorry, but to have any chance at succeeding, I need to find my people. (Leaves the area).

New Prince: Elika! Wait! You can't leave me – I mean, us – when this thing is right here!

(There is no response. Elika has already left for unknown lands).

Red Prince: quickly! Get me some water! That's the only thing that will stop this demon!

(Luckily, there is a water cooler is nearby, and some paper cups. The White Prince staggers to his feet, and goes to retrieve one. He is able to give it to the Red Prince just in time).

Red Prince: (brandishing his precious Dixie cup full of water in front of him like a lit torch) get back! Get back, I say!

(Jerry turns tiredly to the one and only camera and cameraman left standing).

Jerry: well, this isn't what I expected. Hopefully will have things sorted out by next week, and we can get down to some real business. (Looks on at the destruction and chaos around him) that is, if we're still here next week. That's it for today's show. As always, I'm Jerry Springer, and this has been your daily dose of reality.

(Feral screaming, clashing swords, and monstrous roaring continue as the camera fades to black).

A note to my readers:

Thank you to all of you who have read my fan fiction so far, and thank you also, to those who have yet to read it. It really means a lot. So please read and review this latest installment.

I would also like to apologize for my lack of consistency. I know it has been a long time since my last update, and even longer since the one before that. I would like to promise you that I will be more regular, but I don't know if I can. All I can say is that I will do my best to keep more episodes coming.

And if you somehow worried that this is the final episode, don't be. I have at least two or three more in mind. After that, I might post some of my other projects.

In the meantime, please enjoy, and let me know what you think!

-WildePrince


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